The Weber Kids
FUCK The Weber Kids Who are they? Ciggy Smokes and the Funky Bunch, ''colloquially known as the Weber Kids are a clandestine group of Central Valley Academy's finest students. Daily, almost ritualistically, the youth of tomorrow gather around a slanted street pole and stunt their growth with what appears to be the finest cigarettes money could afford -- Newports. With their cancer sticks in hand, and their even more cancerous attitudes, this group of young, reckless spirits will be the founders of tomorrow -- engineers, scientists, astronauts, and historians alike, to remember our immemorial past. Roots Founded in 1862 by Confederate Army general Robert E. Lee, the Weber Kids are a group untouched by time, with tenure of over one hundred and fifty years. Throughout the bloody stages of America's Civil War, Robert E. Lee and his friends would escape the unfathomable brutalities of wartime to sit around and bum cigarettes off of each other, being completely unproductive to society. In fact, the reason why the powerful Confederate army had lost the war was arguably due to Lee's laziness, always stating "Yeah, just one more hit off of my water bottle bong, man," to his colleagues when interrogated regarding his position. The Webers would not be called again, until forty years later, when a Weber operative would assassinate President McKinley at the World's Fair in Buffalo, New York, home of the delectable buffalo wing, a Weber delicacy. Throughout history, the Webers would show up occasionally, in usual intervals of every forty years. First, it'd begin with Lee, then incarnate with Leon Czolgosz, and then with Adolf Hitler. Other famous Weber Kids consist of, but are not limited to; * Mikael Gorbachev -- the final leader of the powerful Union of Soviet Socialist's Republics. (USSR) * James K. Polk -- president of the United States. * Heinrich Himmler -- Adolf Hitler's bro, and right-hand man. * Kim il-sung -- founder of the North Korean democratic republic. The Pole Legend says that the Co2 laden pole that stunts from the ground is actually much older than the Webers would have anyone believe. The pole has had it's metaphorical roots traced all the way back to the Inca civilization in Peru. When Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro happened upon the Inca Empire he discovered a mass amount of treasures such as gold, crops, women, and a mysterious Pole. The Inca chiefs would bow and pray to the Pole while they crowded it with smoking pipes. Francisco was impressed with the power the Pole held over the people. They welcomed the new arrival with open arms. They were not aware of the fact that the Spaniard would soon slit all their throats and steal the Pole for himself. Francisco sailed back to Spain with the Pole being the only spoil of his escapades. He returned, offering it to his superiors as a gift. They laughed in his face and banished him along with the Pole to the colonies which the British had settled. Francisco sailed with a heavy heart as he approached the land of his new home. Francisco had a wife the following year and two strapping young daughters. He was proud of his daughters for they could out lift every young man in the settlement. They had gained a few IQ points by this time, despite the dense jungles of hair beneath their panties, and decided to venture North to settle their own town stead. Francisco attempted to make the journey, but due to hitting his blunt too hard he died in the wagon. The sisters Alyssa and Jamie, who took Gender Studies classes, would end up having children with wild German men that only knew how to grunt and shit on the leaves they ate. In 1725 they settled their homes along with many others along Steeles Creek. To commemorate their arrival to their new home the sisters dug a large pit and sunk the Pole which their father had left to them into the ground. They shed tears of such pure joy, the tears were described by the other settlers as “god-like”. These tears were in fact god-like for they sunk into the earth around the Pole, giving it an eternal youth. To this day the Pole has seen and withstood many horrors. Some of which include: * rape * many, many, '''MANY', cigarette butts * youth throwing their lives away * the cultural developement of tweens and teens * Hurricane Sandy in 2012